things that annoys me again
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
i'm sleepy but i cannot sleep. i keep thinking of this problem i had now. it;s not that big of a deal but i get annoyed by it. i mean REALLY annoyed. i'm a person who's not easy to trust people, this is because long ago, i've been dissapointed by people that are close to me. and the result is that i tend not to believe people easily. when i do believe in something, whether it is right or wrong, don't JUDGE me! i have my own thinking, my own thoughts, my own heart, so don't ever force me to believe in something, i'll judge it myself whether i want to believe it or not. not all beliefs are true, for example there are people who believe in santa clause, is it really exist? i am myself doesn't believe in ghost, but some people do and this is a reflection of our past experiences. i can't force them not to believe in ghost, right? BELIEF IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, so don't tell me your belief is right, because i believe what i want to believe.
what i want to say is i trust what i want to trust, please don't tell me all of those facts just to make me believe that. i had my own little heart and it tells me to believe which i think is right! i CANNOT control what my heart tells me. I CANNOT NOT to BELIEVE WHAT I ALREADY DID! this might be the result of my past experiences, long before i've been disappointed alot by my father's family. things that they did made me felt really sad and not good at all, and in my heart i tend not to easily trust them anymore. it left a scar and it cannot be UNDONE. what had been done is done. i think i really depends on myself right now.
the point is that, why i don't believe what my father said is because since long ago, i never get any privacy at all and it made me in doubt whether or not my things are being used. i just cant believe it because my heart ache everytime things like this happen. i know this problem might not be true at all, this whole "using my things" thing but until now he never realise what i need most in life, what i want in life, a little family just the three of us without anyone disturbing :[ all he care is everyone else (who i barely know) and all of their needs, he'll do anything to help anybody and yet he never pay any attention to me and my sister, he just didn't care at all. this is one thing that i will never get from my father.
he just never realise it, never ever....
EVERYTIME I WENT HOME, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE HOME..
9:24 PM
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